Tuesday, October 9, 2007


1) "Understanding is the first key to acceptance and only with acceptance can there be recovery."
-Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire

2) "The way you think determines the way you feel and the way you feel influences the way you act."
-The Purpose Driven Life

3) Falling in Love is a Miracle worth taking all the risks. Once you have it, fight for it no matter what others may say.

4) Everything happens for reason.

5) Don't judge the book by its cover because if you judge the book by its cover, you'll be also judged by your own judgment.

6) "It's dirty but necessary."
-Taken from the movie entitled Training Day

7) "The only power greater than the power of the mind is the courage of the heart."
-A Beautiful Mind

8) "With great power comes great responsibility."

9) "In the end, you can't hold on to anyone except yourself."
-Inspired by the movie "American Beauty"

10) "Don't go chasing waterfalls!"
- Sung by TLC

11) There can be miracles when you believe.

12) "It's our choices that show what we really are far more than our abilities."
-Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

13) No one is perfect.

14) Apart from intelligence, there are 2 more important things in this world- that is, Friendship and Bravery.
-Inspired by the book Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone

15) You can always be a loser but you always have the choice to be a Survivor.

(End of Part 1)

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

My Greatest Ordeal

My mom wrote this article on January 20, 1990. Two years before she died.

Dean Ryan became restless dawn of November 25, 1989. He kept tossing in his bed and he seemed to be having trouble in brething because of his colds. Since we ran out of Neozep Syrup, we gave him instead of Decolgen Tablet. At about 6:30 AM, we bought Rondec DM, a decongestant syrup and gave him immediately two spoonfuls. I really didn’t mind his crying, as I thought it was just one of those boys-pranks.

As I was preparing for the office (it was Saturday), Rolly noticed that his son was stiffining his whole body- pale and cold- this later on I came to know as seizure. We decided to bring him to the Plant for check-up with the Plant Physician. I have to drive the car since DR was too heavy and Rolly could not make him sit because of stiffness. Dr. Cagape did not report so we proceed to Davao Doctos Hospital (DDH). At the OPD, DR was already relax. The attending Pedia didn’t even notice anything wrong about my son. For observation purposes, however, she suggested to confine DR. We got Dr. Iriarte an old timer Pedia to check my son and because of the seizure, he referred the case to a Neurologist. Dr. Pacoles came that evening - DR was already having a fever and after a thourough check up, he called for his dad and me at the lobby since DR’s room was full of relatives and visitors. His suspect was brain problem and suggested for a lumbar top and other tests. The lumbar top was performed on that same night and results can be available after three hours. All the tests had negative results, but DR was still having seizures every 15-20 minutes and it was too painful seeing him grooming and crying with pain. At about 6 AM of Nov. 26, Dr. Pacioles who was leaving for General Santos passed by our room and informed us the negative results of the lumbar top. At first, he thought of bacterial problem or Meningitis, but because of the negative result he vwas still positive of his diagnosis. To confirm, a brain scanning was necessary of which it was not available in Davao but only in Cebu or Manila.

I just couldn’t put into writing how I feel that time. After weighing the pros and cons, we decided to airlifted DR to Makati Madical Center(MMC). Due to some documentation problem, we were able to fly on Tuesday, Novenmer 28. The dextrose was taken out but the NGT was still in his nose when we flew. Upon arrival at Manila airport, we waited for the private ambulance hired by Head Office. But it arrived late. Upon verification with HO nurse, we were still charged P400 pesos, half the contracted price for the airport to MMC route, when the actual amount we paid for the taxi was only P35. Imagine the difference!

At around 10:30 AM, we arrived MMC and we’re advised at the emergency department that there was no vacant room. Made representation that CCBI was the one who made the reservation for us. Right there and then, all the various examinations were performed. It took the doctors one hour after the IV was inserted. At 3 PM, we were taken up to the seventh floor circular and got a P670 per day room. The accredited Pedia, Dr. Celdran called at around 5 PM and CT Scan was immediately scheduled and finished at around 7 PM. The attending Neurologist, Dr. Perez and Dr. Thelma Tupasi, Infectious Disease Specialist, along with their associates kept visiting our room. At around 7:30 PM, my sister from Calamba, Daphne, who was fetched by a friend Maribeth, arrived with our needed things such as plates, glasses, canned goods, etc. and most importantly, love and moral support.

Because of the seizure, the IV of my son kept bulging, so it needed to be inserted again and again. I just couldn’t count how many inserts DR had. He also had stress ulcer and had to be lavaged from time to time because of the blood coming out from his stomach thru his NGT. All the tests in Davao were done again plus EEG of the brain, CT scan and Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI). It was the latest machine of MMC and it was just installed three months ago. My son was brought twice at the ground floor for the MRI test but the test results couldn’t be understood because DR slept only for about twenty minutes and the tests took 1.5 hours without interruption.

The Neurologist could not understand the CT Scan’s results- they saw a lesion at the back portion of DR’s brain. A disease which is common to older persons who drinks a lot without eating. The diagnosis in Davao which was Viral Encephalitis?Dimyelinating disease could not be overruled at MMC. Two main medications were given, steroids and hormones. Dr. Celdran even prescribed a medicine ACTH which he considered as a miracle medicine and could only be bought in Hong Kong or USA. I canvassed from all the big hospitals and drugstores in Manila but they had no stock ACTH. It’s a miracle from Above that the company physician of HO, Dr. Lugay was leaving for Hong Kong to check the DDS blood at the Prince of Wales Hospital, hence, we had the chance, yet he brought oly four vials out of ten because of its non-availability.

On the third day at Makati Medical Center (MMC), we transferred to a room at the 8th floor with a lower rate. MMC is noted as a class "A" hospital and my! The rates were class A too- you couldn’t just imagine our bills in 15 days. The services however was very satisfactory and the food was comparable with hotels. We used to buy food from their cooperatively eatery at the first floor since the price there is much affordable than with their floating restaurant at the third floor. Friends and relatives visited us in the hospital and there were two groups that offered prayers and divine healing- comforting us with the words.

Not to mentioned was the bloodiest coup de etat on December 1-7, wherein you can hear the exchanging of fires, guns, bombs and fighter plans at Ayala avenue. Government troops were using the open space in front of the MMC. Their base and wounded soldiers were brought there for treatment. You couldn’t just imagine how busy the Emergency Department- Rolly had witnessed the event since he was one of those "uzi" (people who wants to get the latest news first) at the ground floor. Because of the coup, there were stoppage in transportation in the provinces, hence, Rolly was not able to visit his parents at Cabanatuan Nueva Ecija (A city in Luzon, part of Philippines). On my part, I didn’t visit my sister in Calamba, Laguna (Still in Luzon, Philippines). Since the situation was complicated, my sister’s family were the ones who visited us in the hospital.

It had been nine years since my last visit in Manila. So when we went to Makati PAL Office for ticket reservation, we passed by the shpping centers. It’s wonderful especially at night, with all those glittering lights and decors- one could forget for a while that someone is sick in the family.

It was December 8, when the IV of DR was taken out and began to have his osterized food every three hours thru NGT. We were referred to another doctor, Dr. Reyes, a physical thrapist but since we were going home to Davao- he referred us instead to Dr. Luchie Aportadera, a Rehabilitation doctor of Davao Doctors Hospital.

We took the first available flight to Davao on December 12. We directly proceeded to DDH and we stayed there for three days. Medications were done at home. I requested our Plant Nurse, Let-Let, to do the daily injection for one week. IM was done every other day by our neighbor, who happens to be a nurse.

With this big blow in my life, I came to know who my real friends are and luckily, there are a lot of them. Our GM advanced the plane fare while my officemates gave what their heart dictates. Although we have enough funds for our miscellaneous expenses and Rolly just received his christmas bonus , we’re still thankful for their help and prayers. Rollly became emotional when he received a call from his friend, Alex, informing us that there’s a transfer of funds spearheaded by the Joggers Club. I also received funds raised by the Bajada sales office personnel.

DR undergone physical therapy and sppech training. Doctors visit every two weeks. Funds were also raised for him headed by the Ateneo de Davao University- Nursery Class. It reached P1500 pesos. His teacher visited him on January 16, 1990.

Philippines, My Philippines!

Philippines, My Philippines

I learn to hate my own country. Philippines, My Philippines- screw the title! Call me anything you want for not being patriot; still the big negative truth ’bout this nation remains the same.

Politicking is everywhere. Poverty towering up each year. Corruption in left and right. It really sucks to think that these are only the three among the thousand frustrating issues of my country.

Everytime I turn the television on to watch the primetime news, all I can see is the never-ending petition to oust our president. Administration vs. Opposition. Recent debates to amend our constitution. Summing it all up, our system is as dirty and weak, as it seems to be. It’s simply a foul garbage filled with rotten worms and corpses.

Another huge controversial issue is corruption (For me, it’s not a controversy anymore; I consider it as a routine). I can proudly say that my country is one of the most corrupt nations in this world. Wow, this information only reveals that we are bunch of intellectual people naturally gifted with advance degrees in conning. Very unique title!

Are those people in positions don’t get tired of what they doing? I agree, corruption is the only easiest way to get rich but do they deeply realize that they are also killing this nation? I thought my country is a pearl in the east? Not shocking news anymore. Painful reality is, our national anthem nowadays is like a work of art with no trace of truth in it. Its main purpose right now is for us to sing it for the sake of formality. Ang mamatay nang dahil sayo (To die for our own country) Geez, I will not die for this country! This is the most ridiculous line in our anthem whether you agree or disagree. This country will die not because of its patriots and martyrs but this nation will eventually die of corruption. More and more children will die because of malnutrition. And millions will die of ignorance. Who knows? My country will be included in the Guiness Book of World Records as being the largest brothel in the world. This is another PATHETIC great achievement for all of us!

I got a solution for all the Filipinos. Let’s change our national anthem. Instead of saying Lupang Hinirang (Land of Honor), we sing Lupang Talunan (Land of Losers!). LOL! Thanks for the inspiration that Manny Pacqiuao brought to us. But sorry to say, it’s completely not enough. We also need to change the name of our country. We can freely brainstorm a new name as long as it’s synonymous to CORRUPTION and DESPAIR. Perhaps, if these two things will be realized, Filipinos especially those in the AUTHORITY will be prouder of themselves.

I know this sounds crazy. You can despise my article if you want to. But before you do it, let’s connect the dots. Decades and decades ago, Philippines WAS richer than Japan- who happens to be the most industrialized nation in Asia now. Decades and decades later, Philippines IS doomed. Poorer as a rat. Those in Class A will continue to enjoy the luxuries of their wealth and those in Class B, C, D, E until Z will remain on the web of their dreams.

"I’m proud to be Filipino," when will be my right time to say it? Not today, definitely not tomorrow truth is, I don’t know if that time will come.

I just wish I was an American. Black or White, doesn’t matter to me as long as I’m in the LAND OF THE BRAVE AND THE HOME OF THE FREE!


Irreplaceable you are that’s true.
You complete the missing part of me and I’ll call you my boo;
My life seems like a mess but I have seen the power of love in you,
That genuine beauty of faith and trust that cast no fear.

How would I let you go?
If I don’t love you,
Why I am dreaming of you at night?
If I don’t love you,
Why I am thinking of you day and night?
If I don’t love you,
Why I am praying for you?
If I don’t love you,
Why I’m crying on my bed?
And if I can’t have you,
Why is it painful to see you go?

Of all my triumphs and failures in life,
In you I found the courage to go forth.

There’s no way to doubt it anymore,
For the rest of my life, I’ll love you.

I might not be your Clark Kent.
I have no strength like the great Tarzan.
But a sudden realization came to me-
I’m such a nobody without you in my life.

Rhythm & Blues Rules!

Aside from its cool and soulful rhythm, what’s still special with RnB?

Rhythm and Blues or simply called as RnB is, indeed, the newest music craze of all people around the globe these days. Everywhere you go, no matter what race you came from, you are absolutely hooked-up with the blues.

As a matter of fact, RnB is considered as the oldest music genre originated in the southern part of United States. From its humbly beginnings, R and B continually extends his horizon to captivate young and olds with its intensifying beats and inspiring realistic lyrics. Enumerate all the issues you want to hear and RnB has it!

If you are gregarious and energized, you surely feel overjoyed if HIP-HOP is played on air. Let’s admit that when you hear it, you can hardly control the urge to shake and groove till you drop. One way or another, Hip-Hop is undoubtedly COOL! Once you get hooked with its vibe, you never forget it. For this reason, Hip-Hop is not a fad but a wad of gold.


1)Yeah- Usher featuring Ludacris; from the album "Confessions"

2)Family Affair- Mary J. Blige; from the album "No More Drama"

3)Waterfalls- TLC; from the album "Crazy, Sexy, Cool"

4)My Humps- Black Eyed Peas; from the album "Monkey Business"

5)Sexyback- Justin Timberlake; from the album "Future Sex, Love Sounds"

If you’re still not contended with the powerful mind-blowing effects of Hip-Hop, try listening to RAP. Basically, rap is as similar as Hip-Hop but it apparently more driven, sharp and faster. Rappers are everywhere nowadays. From the basic essential styles of Jay-Z and LL Cool J to the hard-driven Kanye West and Eminem. Enjoy it while its still Hot!


1)Hot In Herre- Nelly; from the album "Nellyville"

2)Candyshop- Fifty Cent featuring Olivia; from the album "Massacre"

3)Drop It While It’s Still Hot- Snoop Dogg featuring Pharrel

4)Cleaning Out My Closet- Eminem

Yet, if you’re an introvert who remains to be gentle and emotional; SOUL definitely suits you. RnB/Soul seems to be the greatest unique genre of all-time due to its unforgettable soothing sound and heartwarming lyrics. Not only that, listening to it is like a road to eternity. So, get rejuvenated while tasting its sumptuous sounds!


1)If I Ain’t Got You- Alicia Keys; from the album "The Diary of Alicia Keys"

2)So Sick- Ne-yo; from the album "In My Own Words"

3)You Got it Bad- Usher; from the album "8701"

4)Lost in Space- Lighthouse family; from the album "Postcards from Heaven"

5)Again- Janet Jackson; from the album "Janet"

What can you ask for? Absolutely nothing. RnB is still the best no matter what other people say. Truth is- Rhythm and Blues will remain as the hippest and coolest thing the music world now and always!

Pic source: Internet

Monday, September 3, 2007


Stress is a part of life. As long as we alive and breathing, stress will constantly be our greatest nemesis. Truth is, life is not that amazing without those stressful moments in our lives. Other people would say that stress is like an icing on the cake, however, sad to say, the icing does not taste good, right?

There are plenty of ways to combat stress. I'm sure that you have read some inspiring books that explain the therapeutic details of fighting stress. But do you realize that giving "how-to" advises can also be stressful? Anyone could give advise to make you feel good. Anyone could care for you but no one can give an accurate suggestion on how to combat stress. The only person who can assuage your stress impulses is you. You are the pilot of your plane; the creator of your fate, therefore, you must know how to control your stressful complicated life.

If you have read the sixth book of Harry Potter, you somehow recognize the three magical keywords there. The three magical keywords are destination, determination and deliberation. Maybe, you are now asking yourself what's the significance of these three keywords to stress.


Life is unpredictable. We don't know what will happen to us ten years from now. Thinking about our future is also a stressful reality we have to face. We sometimes question our existence. Why I'm alive? You can the next richest man in the world with millions of bucks in your bank account but do you know where you're heading?

Defining our destination could be the most stressful veracity of our lives. A single plan is really not enough to build the blocks our future. There are always risks behind our backs no matter what. Truth is, planning is like a computer database. We need to search, delete, update our goals everyday. There's no ideal plan, no easy goals either but there's always a way of utilizing our goals to know which destination we are heading to.


The power of positive thinking will be our armor in defeating stress. We become invincible only if we learned how to face our greatest fears. If we believe that we can fly, we can! I know it sounds trite but determination is the key to reach the paramount of our success.

Never believe in criticisms. Listen to them but never put it in your subconscious. Most criticisms are only made to stress us and these are created by insecure people who can't build a more meaningful life.

Some criticisms are made to reinforce our negative outlook in life, however, most of them are only made to put us down. That's why; we need to choose which one is good for us. The one which will help us grow. Life is 'bout choices anyway. The choices we generate each day are the common denominators that determines the prosperity of our success. And success is the only best revenge we can have to those people who belittle us!


The final step to combat our stress. Once we realize our destination in life, we generate concrete actions to reach our goals. These actions requires time. Take time. Think about it. Don't chase waterfalls just to reaching your goals. Take time in fulfilling it. Never give up. Just give it a nice try!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Fate is Behind Everything

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value: rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."
-C.S. Lewis

How It All Began?

It took me nine years before I completely realize that I love Dianne. She and I were just friends before. During the third grade, I watched her when she unexpectedly won the "Linggo ng Wika" declamation contest against those students in "A Section." During high school, I gave her gifts during her birthdays. Not only that, we talked a lot over the phone almost every night. I couldn't forget those intimate phone conversations we had. We talked about anything as if time was not running out. She made me laugh and I also made her laugh. The most awkward topic we talked about was when I revealed to her that her elder sister was my crush.

Love In Suppression

I couldn't forget the moment when she told me that, "Dean, bakit si ate palagi sadya mo sa akin? Nandito man ako. (Why are you always asking 'bout my sister when I'm here?) I was speechless upon hearing that. I just didn't know what to say. Those words were nothing to me but a sudden realization hammered deep inside me. Truth is, I started to like her from that moment on. I couldn't exactly understand why but I somehow felt torn between her and her sister.

However, I tried to shed away those feelings I have for her. She's my friend; I didn't want to cross the line. There's no plausible reason why should I like her. I was just a passive aloof "disable" on one corner and she was like the Helen of Troy, who also happens to be the campus' crush. Not to mention, my best friend, Newton, had a crush on her.

The Risks of Falling in Love

Dianne and I never had those phone conversations during college. We only saw each other twice. Luckily we met each other during our friend's debut. There were questions I wanted to ask her but I couldn't utter a single word.

We met again during her 18th birthday. I was happy to see her elder sister but I felt that the sparks were gone. When it's time for "giving-of-treasures," I was melting with embarrassment when she hugged me after my impromptu speech. From that moment on, I seemed to realize that she's a part of me.

She's always on my mind every time my favorite songs were aired on the radio. She's occasionally in my dreams at night. Most of them were intimately unforgettable but I only ignored them. I was still in denial. I felt that it was the biggest forbidden secret I should keep for a lifetime. I rather suppress those obscure feelings than hurting her- one of the people closest to me. I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to hurt my best friend, and I couldn't have the strength to admit to myself that I am somehow falling for her.

There were lots of heartaches revolving in my mind after college. Most of them were about my family. They're intoxicating me to death! To unleash my depression, I decided to improve my novel that I wrote during high school. I never had a plan of writing a love story yet I couldn't understand the logic behind the love story I made. It's confusing, right? When I finished the draft, I suddenly realized that I missed Dianne. We were still texting each other and I felt overjoyed every time I received a text from her.

Christmas of 2006 came; I was just sitting on my bed when I got an impulse to call her. I never knew why but something magical was really forcing me to call her. She finally answered her mobile phone after thirty seconds. I couldn't describe the moment when I heard the voice. I gathered all my strength and greeted her, "Merry Christmas."

Unfortunately, the line went off after twenty seconds. I wonder why but she immediately texted me that her mobile battery was weak. I couldn't understand my feelings after that short conversation. I was very happy to hear her voice but I felt something more. Then my tears began to fall. I couldn't control it. I tried to stop it but it was dripping so hard. I don't cry when I miss someone. It was no ordinary feeling, it was love.

Love is All About Waiting

I got scared when I finally realized that I was falling in love with Dianne because too many risks are involved. A week after my shortest phone conversation with her, my best friend and I met. He told me that he's also falling for Dianne. I didn't know what to do that time. It was just crazy!

I cried a lot during that moment. I was not jealous. I was just uncomfortable and anxious of what's going to happen. I knew that I had to choose yet it was very irrational to choose love over friendship and choose friendship over love. I would never win a race against my best friend. There's always a 50-50 chance that I would get hurt if I would tell Dianne at once.

"Apart from intelligence, two things are important in life- that is, friendship and bravery," this is one of the most substantial unforgettable lessons I learned from watching Harry Potter movies and it's the nicest thing I got to do. No matter how I wanted to deny it, friendship should go hand-in-hand with love. If I am courageous enough to tell Dianne that I'm falling for her, my best friend had also the right to know.

Newton and I agreed that we would talk after his graduation. I never informed him that it was about Dianne because it would surely upset him.

I never had a man-to-man serious talk in my life except with my dad. However, I did it for love! Newton was somehow furious when I told him about the situation. But there's no room for fears that time. I explained to him the details why and how it all began. The talk was really awkward for the both of us but we somehow came up with better solutions.

When I went home that night, I phoned Dianne. I sensed that she knew why I wanted to see her. Our conversation took almost a minute or two and we agreed to meet on a Wednesday. I was overjoyed when I hung up the phone. I was really excited but I couldn't deny that I could also be brokenhearted.

March 28, 2007- around quarter to six in the evening, Dianne arrived at our meeting place. She brought Karen, our high school friend, with her. I was just spellbound the first second I saw her. She was undoubtedly beautiful! But I need to do what I have to do no matter what. I came up with a good story to give her the poem. The story was a lie but it was a good story though. I was guilty when I did it but it was the easiest way to tell her the truth. I couldn't describe my feelings when she read the poem. After reading the poem, I had a sudden feeling that something not good would happen. However, I still talked to her no matter how tormenting it is to understand her decision.

"You're just a brother to me."

I have no idea why she has to say this. I appreciate the candor but please to remind that we are not biologically connected. Therefore, the validity of saying it is irrational.

"Can we just be friends?"

Why say these words when it's evident that we can really be friends? It's quite insulting to hear it but I now understand what it really meant.

"I'm not ready."

Anyone could understand the logic behind this line. It's a cliff-hanger answer but it's the most reasonable response of all.


"Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind; and therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." -Shakespeare

Love is an endless cycle of mysterious elements. People say that love is blind. Some say love is patient and others firmly believed that love is a mutual feeling.

It is so complicated to be screwed when you're in love. Much crazier when you're involved in a love triangle with your best friend. But no matter what we say and what we believe, love is just everything; therefore love is also worth fighting for.

I don't necessarily know the objective behind the love I have invested for Dianne. I don't really know why I like her. We have no proximity at all. We don't talk everyday. As I see it, she's like a typical beautiful girl every man is searching for. Yet, there is something deeply genuine 'bout her that I couldn't describe.

My mind has a lot of confusing questions but my heart says that I love her. I can think of many reasons why I shouldn't love her but I can only feel that heavy breath of emotion why she completes me.

Everything happens for a reason and what's the main reason behind my love for her? Only time knows. Opening a new perplexing chapter in our life is an unpredictable risk I could take. If friendship is the only best thing she could offer to me now then that's completely fine with me. Maybe the song which entitled My Boo is right, "Even though there's another man in her life, I'll be always her boo."

Yet I'm not closing my doors. If waiting is the last thing I could do, I will do it. There are billions of beautiful gorgeous girls in this world but she's the only one who could bring out the best in me. My friend, my love, my everything.

What goes around comes around! Maybe she will give me another chance, maybe not. Maybe I'm moving on, maybe I can't. I'm not a great believer of luck but no matter what I believe in, one thing is for sure- FATE is still behind everything.